Beautiful, Good Days

There are few days in a normal month when I don’t find myself sighing heavily at the beauty that surrounds me in German Bavaria. The rolling hills and freshly plowed fields evoke a transcendent emotion that is hard to ignore. I live in a beautiful place.

While it is still winter, mild days are the norm now. Snow doesn’t even linger any more. On clear days, wanderlust beckons from the roads and usually overcomes me.

The roads are windy and stretch for miles over gentle hills and disappear into patches of dark forests. Yes, they are inviting, and I indulge in the old-fashioned Sunday drive often over here. There are few Sabbath practices that better remind me of our Creator God than the rush of 100kmh on a two lane country road, with no car in sight, and the slight pressure on my body as the car glides around a tight turn.

Sometimes I wish I could just drive for hours. I want to drive and see the world around the next bend. Beyond the next grouping of tall pines. I want to slow down and pass through the small village with clay tiled roofs and cobblestone streets. I want to pull over, at some place I’ve never been, and stake my claim in a 50-acre tract of awe-inspiring earth.

The beauty is everywhere. From the roads or the trails in the forest, it’s impossible to wander and not walk in wonder.

And, this is where I spend my days. Where I labor and toil. Here, I am living, or trying to live, the life that fulfills the choir of passions that sings inside of me. I get angry sometimes because the song is often muted, but there are days, like today, when the choir is loud and the harmony sways with the crest and fall of each rolling hill.

These are the good days.

Snapshots of Life

I haven't written much lately. While I write more for me than for you, I know I'm overdue for some blogging.

But, I'm rediscovering the equilibrium in my life and while I'm getting adjusted, here are some recent snapshots (or snap-videos) of life in the past few months.



Sadly, my German hasn't improved much since July or August of last year. I still look like a fool when I interact with my neighbors. For a glimpse, watch the video. Background: Heinz and I went to Austria for a ski trip before Christmas and decided to play a joke on our waitress and our stupid selves. Watch her face as Heinz orders five apple strudels while gesturing that he wants two. Note: the camera is concealed by a menu and my arm.



One of the coolest traditions I've discovered in Germany is the Christmas markets that pop up in every big city and small village in December. Essentially, wooden booths are erected in city squares and people gather every evening in the cold to drink gluhwhein, eat bratwursts and delectable sweets. It is a neat display of community in the midst of freezing temperatures. Heinz and I enjoyed the most famous one in Nuremberg.



A typical day of work for some of my Soldiers. I am the Platoon Leader of a Maintenance Platoon (43 men and women) and my guys are some great mechanics. We keep all the trucks and equipment working in the entire Battalion.



(Note: This one is a little graphic) While my Soldiers are mechanics in the Army, they are Soldiers first. I took them to the gas chamber in the Fall for some good training....inside the chamber, they took off their gas masks and were exposed to the toxic gas. The intent was to show them that gas masks work and not to freak out when we are hit with WMD type missiles.



On tough days, small things like this mean so much. I bought some ink cartridges from Best Buy online and when the package arrived (mailed to my special military address), this note accompanied the package. It was humbling and pretty powerful. I know the troops are not forgotten, but here in Germany my Soldiers don't witness the everyday support that US-stationed Soldiers do. So, thank you Best-Buy employee....your kindness meant a lot to me.



I'll be honest...sometimes I forget that I live in a foreign country. 65 hour work weeks with Soldiers can make me absent minded about the fact that I live in Germany. But, one morning, I was vividly reminded of where I lay my head. I was awaken at 7:12am on Saturday by this...!!!

So, there you go. Some snapshots of my life.

It's Good To Say Goodbye

I started 2010 as a “ year without expectations.” I am ending 2010 with a hope that I never make that mistake again.

365 days ago, I really had no idea what this year was going to bring. I knew I would finish some Army training and move to Germany. That was about it.

There were a lot of blank pages in my book, and I had no idea where the ink would come from to write a full year’s worth of life. Well, the ink mostly bubbled up from endless hellish places and blotted the pages with ample heartache.

It was a hard year.

And, in a few hours, it will be over. Right now, I force myself to be thankful for the year and all the things I’ve learned. But, if I am honest with myself, I am more thankful for it to be over.

It’s time to move on. Sure, I’ve grown and discovered hard wisdom in these harder times, but now I need closure for my beaten heart.

Farewell, 2010. Take the simple optimism you robbed from me and run away.

As for 2011. I have just one expectation for the year; it will be better than the last.

And it will be.

To my friends, thank you. You were the highlights of this year. You got me through the darkness. I am so grateful.

To my family, you are my rock. When fierce winds were blowing, you were the calm peace. Your arms have always been open for me and this year, I needed their comfort more than ever before. I love you all deeply.

To God, I’m not sure what you are doing, but you are my everything. I’ll follow you where you lead, and I’ll carry my cross the entire way. Blessed be your name.

Tired Complaints

I just finished working a 27 hour shift at work. The recovery will take a few days, I’m sure, but I won’t be home for them.

Tomorrow, I am going to Venice for the weekend. After the past few brutal weeks at work, I’m ready to leave for a while. I need some fresh air and good wine. The canals and plazas in Venice should do the trick.

I’ll be back on Sunday, but only briefly.

A few days later, while most all my friends and family are sleeping in the early hours of Thanksgiving, I’ll be on a plane headed to Barcelona. It’ll be my first trip to Spain, and I’m anxious to be around a foreign language that I can understand. Maybe I’ll be able to have a conversation with a European girl for the first time in months.

I’ll keep you posted.

But for now, I’m sitting here staring at my backpack that is soon to be flung all around Europe, and I feel almost like complaining. I’m worried about my exhaustion: at this very moment, and when I get back from Spain next week. Work has been tiring. Hopscotching can be tiring too. I'm just a little sick of being exhausted.

But, tired is part of the game sometimes. And, God has me living in Europe and has given me the opportunity to travel abundantly. That blessing is pretty sweet and surly trumps the current urge to complain about the issues in my life.

So, I am tired and I will be tired, but no complaints from me.

I’m off to see new places.

Homemade Dinner

It is nice when a close friend comes to your place for a visit. It’s far better when they come to stay indefinitely.

Right now, my friend Heinz is staying with me indefinitely. His arrival here in Germany about a month ago has dramatically changed my lifestyle. Before Heinz, I would come home from work to an empty apartment and find some tv or, rarely, a book to keep me company. Occasionally, I would call a friend back in the US.

With Heinz, I come home to conversation. Companionship. Fellowship. It’s quite a different homecoming than I experienced during my first seven months here.

Before he found a job, I actually came home to a freshly prepared dinner most nights. It was exciting to unlock the door and wait for the smells to register. And, with “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” up-in-the-air, it almost seemed like marriage.

Almost.

Now, he has a job and the homemade dinners are a little less frequent, but we manage just fine. Besides, I’d take the conversation and friendship over the food any day.

I’m excited to see what the future holds for my friendship with Heinz. We’ve already traveled to Austria and made some fantastic memories. We’re headed to Spain for Thanksgiving.

We are going to get to “do” a lot of stuff over the months ahead, but I already know that my fondest memories will be sampling the dozens of beers in the refrigerator and just conversing about life.

It should be a pretty great few months.

Thank you, God.




...........................Heinz and me at Oktoberfest in Munich....................

For Whom The Bell Tolls

I've never really understood the ringing of church bells. I mean, I understand their historic purpose and role, but nowadays I am usually baffled when I hear the clanging in the local church steeple.

There is just no rhyme or reason to it anymore.

In some towns, the bells can still easily alert you to the new hour of the day. Or, perhaps they still signal the joy of victory for a local sports team (hail to Wait Chapel). But more often than not, I am left dumbfounded as the bells ring without any obvious purpose.

Today, I took a walk though a small town near the Czech border. I meandered and eventually found a bench near a charming little church. I sat and pulled out a book and my journal. It was a lovely setting. Truly.

Then, at 6:00pm, the church bells started ringing. I paused from my reading, tilted my head back towards the blue sky, and soaked in the charm of small-town Germany. I expected the typical bell-song followed by the steady ding-dong-ding-dong indicating the six o'clock hour. I silently counted along. But, six ding-dongs quickly passed while the dinging and donging continued. And continued.

Until 6:14pm.

I wrote the exact time down because I was so amazed. Ding-dong for 14 straight minutes! Around 6:08, I began to read again but all my concentration was zapped by the bells. I couldn't make it through a whole sentence without the ringing intruding my mental focus. Soon enough, I literally started laughing out loud at the absurdity of the situation. The ringing would simply not cease!

That's when I realized that I didn't understand the ringing of church bells anymore.

But, at 6:14pm, the bells did stop ringing, and I was able to get back to my book. But, only for a few more minutes. At 6:21pm, the bells started ringing again. This time the monotonous ding-dong-ding-dong was replaced with a more vibrant ding-dong-clang-bang-dong-ding-gong-cling-ding-dong. And again, the reason was lost on me.

I closed my book. Took my feet out of the tall grass and placed them back in my flip flops and started walking away. The bells rang until I was too far to register their sound.

I don't know why those bells were ringing. And I'll gladly ask for whom they tolled because they sure weren't tolling for me.

---

As I walked away from the bells, I finally had a quintessential Cameron-moment. For those of you who know me, perhaps you know that I am a pretty introspective guy. But, it has been several weeks since I've been able to be introspective. And, it has driven me nuts.

I've been super busy these past six or so weeks. Work has presented a few big challenges (especially in August) and I've been in the field training for most of September. I'm behind in emails. I'm behind in reaching several of my own personal goals. I haven't been home in weeks. It's been crazy.

In the midst of all the busyness, I tried to break away and allow for some Cameron-time. But, it never quite materialized. My mind was so consumed with other things that I couldn't get it tuned with my heart. But today, I finally reconnected with myself.

I walked and eventually found the bench by the church. There, I read and tried to get a grip on me. Then the ringing of the bells happened. It was consistent. Loud. Obnoxious after the third minute. Laugh-out-loud-frustrating after the eighth. And, it broke my concentration.

I tried to fight through it and keep reading. Keep journaling. But, the ding-dong invaded my inner peace right before the peace took root.

Then, it was silent again. The bells stopped. I ventured once more towards the introspective threshold.

But, the bells started their ding-gong-clang-dong-cling chorus a few minutes later. I packed up and started to walk away frustrated. But, as I walked and as the ringing faded, I had my moment. I was introspective and clarity descended. Somethings clicked, or at least started to click. I felt connected to my heart for the first time in a while, and it felt great.

Maybe those bells weren't tolling for me, but I think they jostled a part of me awake again.

And I needed it.

Birthday Bonding

I was invited to a birthday party this past weekend. While perhaps this seems commonplace and trivial to you, for me it was momentous. When you move to a new country and have few friends, the invitation to (any) party brings forth a tidal wave of emotions.

Mainly, it felt good.

So, on Saturday, I went down to the garage of my apartment complex and celebrated the birthday of a 60+ year old woman with her friends and her grandkids. Excluding the small children, my presence brought the average age down at least 25 years.

Inevitably, there weren’t any fräuleins that caught my eye, but that’s alright.

At first, I sat by myself at the end of a picnic table. I drank and ate slowly because I had no idea what to do when I finished my meal. Leave? Eat more? Sit by myself with nothing to do? As I methodically chewed my bratwurst, I watched the friends and family have a good time and thought about how I missed my own friends and family.

Then, slowly, some of my neighbors came to sit with me and we struggled to explain stories, careers, and the new parking plan for the apartment building. My German often failed me, but my neighbors were patient, and we all handled prolonged silences with expertly timed sips of beer.

Even though I spoke a total of 100-300 words that night, I made an awesome memory and helped create a neighborly bond. I’ve been praying for that to happen, and it finally did.

I’m now recommitted and energized to work on my German. Maybe next year, I can be more pro-active, more Cameron-like and wish my neighbor a fantastic birthday without the look of stupidity beaming from my face.