Embrace the Awkward

Crippling awkwardness is a common occurrence for me here in Germany. Just this week I had an encounter with one of my neighbors. He speaks no English. The most advanced phrase I can say in German is, “The girl eats a red apple.” But somehow we conversed for about five minutes.

“Conversed” is hyperbole. We stood on the staircase and survived horrendously long periods of silence together. Every 45 seconds or so, I would attempt to say something I remembered from Rosetta Stone, but I’d inevitably end up relying on using my fake laugh just to burn a few seconds of awkwardness. He would fake laugh too. And then, we’d move on to miming with large hand gestures how my car barely fits into my garage.

Eventually, I employed the universal symbol of jingling keys and we went our separate ways.

Last night, I sat around a table with Germans at this tennis club that I am attempting to join. For twenty minutes, they talked in German while I sat there like Frosty the Snowman: silent and decently cold. But soon, I was able to take part in the conversation as I made a sad face to express my condolences for Germany’s miserable performance in the World Cup and they motioned to me that they felt the US got screwed out of a win against Slovenia.

Then, we played some tennis and I actually had a good time. But, during that initial awkwardness, I wanted to leave. Really bad.

And a few days ago, I spent an abnormal amount of time in a bathroom trying to figure out how to get paper towels to dispense from a machine. Unclean people walked right by as I became frustrated at my inability to be smarter than the machine. Finally, a Japanese man came to my rescue and demonstrated the proper use of the contraption. It was awkward.

It was normal.

I’m coming to embrace moments like these. When I lived in Chile, I had similar experiences, but it took me a long time to shrug off the awkwardness and enjoy putting myself out there for ridicule, for knowledge, for friendship. Here in Germany, I’ve been trying since the beginning.

So, I have many more stories of me behaving awkwardly (…like when I accidentally spoke Spanish to a German grocery girl and got angry that she didn’t understand me).

But, I’ll save the rest for when you come to visit and make yourself look like a fool.

It’ll be fun. Trust me.